Mother Nature Round 2
by Sydney Delancy
As you can all guess, the recent change in weather is partially our fault. Yes, it has to deal with that former article of ours in which we bashed Mother Nature. Unfortunately the relationship between us has gotten ugly and thus producing this unpleasant weather. As it turns out she read the article we posted about her being a tad bit selfish and childish. Mostly she wasn’t pleased about the fact that we promised to bring summer all year around if we won, and that we can actually be considered a threat to her. After reading this article she was a bit disgruntled and cancelled our treaty and full out declared war against us.
A tad bit childish, we know. She plans to make this entire week miserable, and has promised us rain but still has yet to bring it. So for all of you out there who took the time to go out and buy an adorable umbrella or raincoat and your amazing goulashes you will have to wait a while it seems to use them. This if course is ridiculous; the woman’s giving us nothing to look forward to.
Therefore, not to be outdone by Mother Nature we’ve decided to start our campaigning in full. We were holding off, giving her time to actually mature and become wise, (you’d think she’d be all of this already seeing her age) before we began our work in earnest. However, after seeing the weather this week we now realize that we’re dealing with a lunatic and must do something to get her out of power.
We will continue to keep our promise to bring you excellent weather, but not just that, we will promise to give you terrible weather as well, because we can’t be perfect, there would be nothing to complain about if we were. We’re just going to make it perfectly easy for you to complain about us. Now, you all know what we promise to bring to you; beautiful weather, Q&A, a complaints office and piña coladas. But most importantly we’ll give you a comments box so you can all complain to your heart’s content and have online arguments over whether or not you love us. These small things can make it all better. We’ll make it easy for you to hate us and to complain about us. We’ll provide you with the opportunity to have something physical to hate.
There. That’s everything. It’s a pretty tempting offer isn’t it? Well yes, we know how at The Riverdaily to make it all so delicious and mouthwatering. All you have to do is vote for us in the upcoming elections and we will be able to kick Mother Nature out and of course get into power. So go forth dear faithful readers and spread the word! We must get our beautiful weather back!
The Battle With Mother Nature
by Sydney Delancy
At last it seems that Mother Nature has declared a truce on the cruelty that she has shown upon us for the past 3 months. This past week has been amazing, with the sun actually being out. You want to know why? Well, we here at the RiverDaily finally decided to stop bashing her for at least a week, and thus in return, she has given us a week of beautiful weather. How long this will last for we’re not too sure. Hence, why we’ve decided to run for the position of Mother Nature herself. Yes, we’re all quite aware of the publics’ frustration with her mood swings and her unforgiving nature.
Therefore, we here at RiverDaily Press would like to let you know that the first step to get us into power is to send a petition to Mother Nature to step down from her position. This is of course to put some pressure onto her. Then with some extreme marketing on our side, and of course our amazing people skills we shall take her down! The RiverDaily, should we win this election promises to make sure that every day feels like Spring, Not too hot like summer, nor too warm like the winter. You will be able to wear shorts and not have to lug around those huge winter coats.
Also, you will be able to play Ultimate Frisbee and soccer without having to worry about your fingers freezing and dropping off. Remember that foreign concept of picnics? It shall be foreign no more! We will get rid of the trivial transitions between the seasons and give the citizens of the world what they want! Not relying on whether or not we upset Mother Nature today or not. Although, make sure you don’t let her know of these plans; it’s not that we’re afraid of her or anything, it’s just there would be consequences. The two days of cold and miserable weather last week were because Mother Nature suspected people actually disliked her, women in particular. Therefore, we must make it seem as if we don’t have a problem with her for all of this to work.
The Portable Trash Can
by Sydney Delancy
The Local Riverdale stores have found a new way for you to throw away your money:
Now you have your own portable trash can. So don’t waste your money in stores buying things you don’t need when you can just get one of these.
The Outdoor Exercise Machine
by Sydney Delancy
There’s
been a new invention. You can no exercise outside and in the privacy of your
own yard.
Step 1.
Take your exercise machine out to your front yard.
Step 2.
Grow trees around your machine.
Step 3.
Relish in your new invention and enjoy the work out.
End Result:
Warning: You may injure yourself on several occasions and loose both eyes due to the sharp branches.
Because we dress like it.
by Sydney Delancy
The picture says it all; although, the fact that this is a storage advertisement makes no sense.
Two words: Epic Fail.
Two words: Epic Fail.
The Naked Dolls
by Sydney Delancy
Once again, the local Riverdale stores have come up with a solution to one of our many money wasting needs.
Why use the internet and spend your credit card for monthly subscriptions when you could have one of these?? Yes, you know what subscription I’m talking about.
Dead people
by Sydney Delancy
So apparently dead people can still be found in stores.
And it’s not even Halloween yet.
The Invasion of the Ninjas
by Sydney Delancy
For some this may just be any old road. But for many who frequent the intersection of Manhattan College Parkway and Waldo Ave this can turn into an everyday death trap. There are maniacs who drive this road and tear down as if playing Grand Theft Auto, looking for victims to receive extra gaming points. Why hasn’t half of the population that walks down this road been obliterated yet? Well, there appear to be ninjas guarding the area. Below is a picture of them caught on film.
Where are they you ask? Well they are ninjas after all…